Navigating A Religious Environment As A Queer Person
Navigating the religious environment can be incredibly challenging and anxiety-inducing for those who are LGBTQ in Utah.
While each experience is unique, many of us feel fear about self-expression and creating a safe community. This fear is more intense when religious pressure conflicts with your identity. This pressure may come from external sources, like societal expectations to conform, and even political violence. This pressure can make coming out to religious family feel difficult.
However, it can also look like internal pressure when trying to reconcile spiritual beliefs and values with your identity. This pressure may focus on your relationship to gender or sexuality, like being gay and Mormon or being trans and Mormon.
Being queer in Utah can also leave someone with religious trauma. Here are some Utah-based statistics that speak to the often tense intersection between religion and LGBTQ folks.
Approximately 50% of unhoused youth in Utah identify as LGBTQ
In 2018, only 69% of Latter-Day Saints (the dominant religion in Utah) reported favoring laws that protected LGBTQ people from housing and employment discrimination
According to data from the Trevor Project in 2022:
Fifty percent of LGBTQ youth in Utah had considered suicide within the past year
Thirty-nine percent of LGBTQ youth had experienced harm or threat based on sexual orientation or gender identity
Seventy-five percent of LGBTQ youth reported experiencing low to moderate social support from their family
How to heal from religious trauma
Religious trauma occurs when someone experiences adverse effects from their religious environment. This may include psychological distress, emotional harm, or even physical abuse. Sometimes these effects stem from situations like conversion therapy, which is now illegal in many states. For others, religious trauma may come from existing in an environment that doesn’t make space for who you are.
Figuring out how to deal with religious trauma may vary from person to person and be based on your specific experiences. Religious trauma therapy may involve making space to express and process your experiences and develop tools to soothe your nervous system. It may also include developing new perspectives on yourself, rather than perpetuating negative self-talk and internalized self-doubt.
While many people have positive experiences with religion, others may experience self-doubt and negative self-talk as a result. When your belief system doesn’t allow for your full range of expression or make space for you to love who you love, it’s common to internalize negativity and doubt your own identity and desires.
Finding a counselor for religious trauma may help you explore techniques to ground yourself. You can also work on mindfulness practices to recast your relationship with religion and any adverse experiences from existing in that space. It may be helpful to choose a therapist who is trained in these techniques and who has lived experience with being a marginalized person in a highly religious environment.
Coming out is your choice
Coming out to religious parents or coming out to religious friends can feel fraught. Many people do not feel safe expressing their identities or feelings around sexuality in their religious communities. This is especially true when religious leaders promote belief systems that exclude or demonize the LGBTQ community.
It's okay to do what you need to do to feel safe. This may involve attending religious events with people who affirm your identity, being specific about which congregation you want to be a part of, or having something planned after religious events to help relieve stress. This also may look like “code-switching,” which means altering the way we express ourselves in relation to specific groups.
Take note of people whom you can trust and who feel accepting of your identity and your privacy. A good friend will not violate your right to choose what you share with others, regardless of their religious beliefs.
It is okay to set boundaries with people who do not try to understand your identity. You are allowed to distance yourself from friends, family, or groups that make you feel alone. You can limit the parts of your life you share in different circles and cultivate a support system that affirms you.
Remember who you are! Your existence is important. There are people you haven’t even met yet who would benefit from hearing your story. Your inherent value and light are not measured by the people who do not understand you.
If you’d like more resources, the Trevor Project has a handbook with helpful tips for coming out and exploring what that journey means for you.
Recognize that every experience is different
When you’re feeling trapped, it can be tempting to compare your own experience to the experience of queer people who are more free to express themselves. Each person’s journey looks different. You may not be in an environment where you can fully and safely live your truth yet. Be patient: Change takes time.
Big life choices, like how we practice our religion and identify with the world, are rarely black and white. You should not have to choose between your beliefs and your happiness.
You do not have to come out. You do not have to stop attending church. Your choices belong uniquely to you.
It is okay to hold multiple beliefs at once. If you do not want to sacrifice religion based on your identity, there are additional resources to help create more accepting spaces so you can maintain both.
Resources for finding LGBTQ+ affirming faith communities:
Church locator for LGBTQ-affirming, Christian-based congregations in Utah, like Salt Lake, Provo, Ogden, and St. George.
Lean on communities and examples that help you feel more heard. Queer representation on social media or through online groups can provide validation if your immediate community makes you feel alone.
Additional Resources for LGBTQ folks who’ve experienced religious trauma
LGBTQ hotline (866) 488-7386 or text START to 678-678
The LGBT National Hotline: (888) 843-4564
Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860
Psychology Today support groups you can filter by location or for queer-affirming therapists and groups
Events in our community, including group therapy, pride celebrations, youth programs, and socials at the Utah Pride Center
Resources for navigating LGBTQ identities and religion from the Trevor Project
Therapy in Salt Lake City and Millcreek
At Arches Healing & Growth, these conversations are not only part of our training, for many of us, they are part of our lived experience. Our practice includes therapists in Salt Lake City and Millcreek who have experience navigating religion and identity. Our team of mental health professionals regularly works with transgender people, gay people, and other folks across the LGBTQ community.
We are ready to meet with you wherever you are in your journey. It can be incredibly beneficial to work with a therapist who shares some of your experiences. Especially for folks who have had traumatic experiences in religious communities.
Our licensed clinicians are available for individual, couples, or family therapy. Follow us on Instagram to stay updated on upcoming groups and workshops.
You can also schedule a free consultation with one of our experienced therapists based in Millcreek or Salt Lake City.
